The Fears of a Mother

Initially, I wanted to write a new post continuing the conversations on tithing and even explore the thoughts of others on "the law" as outlined in the Old Testament versus the New Testament and Christ redeeming us from "the law" but I couldn't. In light of recent events, my heart has grown weary, sad, and troubled. In less than 48 hours, 2 unarmed black men were gunned down by police officers. Now before you run for the hills shouting "oh hear we go with that again" or "I'm tired of talking about race in the United States," hear me out.

Many, many years ago when I was in the 5th grade, I remember as vividly as if it happened yesterday that my teacher Mrs. Jackson replied that she would "never want to bring a child into a world like this" to our question of why she didn't have children. In our mind, she would have made the most wonderful mother outside of our own as she was just that awesome of a teacher and mentor to us. Years later, after I had married and had my first child, I happened to find Mrs. Jackson and visited her at the school where as she resided as a principal. Even after all of those years, she still held onto the same thoughts she had way back when she was my teacher... she could never bring a child into this type of world.

I have come to understand her sentiments. If you know my story, my children are miracles for me but often I have felt guilt for birthing them into a world where they may be discriminated against, shunned, looked down upon, or ridiculed just because they were born black... a matter in which there was no choice. As much as I love my boys, thank God for them, and pray for and over them... I fear for the hardships they may have to endure all because they are black. 

It is a funny thing to realize as an African American/ Black woman that I have NEVER in my life worried about black on black crime. Not once. However, I am TERRIFIED that one day my name, the name of my husband, sons, nephews, father, cousins, etc will be the next hashtag, media talking point, or point of outrage. I'm not terrified because myself or anyone that I know has done/ will do something illegal or wrong but because we just so happened to be born black... and feared, reviled, and thought of as less than. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that all white people, cops, or other races view African Americans in this light... it's just a scary thing when there are so many that do. It is a scary thing to be feared or hated because your skin is brown as if we had a choice as to what race or color we were going to be born as. 

As I look at my young sons, I pray that they NEVER EVER have to experience the racism that many of our friends, family, and we ourselves had to. There are so many points that can be made as to why many black men are being shot and killed by those that fear us but I will not make those points here. I just ask that when you hear the stories, the families speak, and the outrage over these tragedies that never seem to end, think about this...

When an EMT makes a statement that he didn't stop to help those in a car accident because they were black...

When a child is killed is killed within seconds for having a TOY gun...

When a woman is jailed and sent to a mental ward because officials don't believe a Black woman is capable of having a high profile job and nice car...

When a man is SHOT outside of his home because police don't believe he owns a nice car and lives in an "upscale" part of a neighborhood...

When no charges are filed for a child found in a gym mat with his organs missing and replaced with newspaper...

A community isn't saying that ONLY Black lives matter because all lives do, we are just saying that apparently everyone needs to be reminded because that's not what is being displayed....